u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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