I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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