I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
