I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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