Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
