I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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