She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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