There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think my moral compass just broke
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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