Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
