It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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