youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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