I need help removing her.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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