I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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