Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
