bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
where does the pee come out of this thing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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