Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
