I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
