i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize