Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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