she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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