apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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