hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
