so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
