Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My ass is underappreciated
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize