i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
