The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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