I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
