a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
