Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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