I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even my farts smell like vagina
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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