New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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