Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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