We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
