Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
