I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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