my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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