Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
