so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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