is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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