There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
