sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
