a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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