this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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