my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
