I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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