So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
