I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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