you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
