Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So much rum. So many feels.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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