glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My balls are so social today.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
