Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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