Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
