We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
