I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
