im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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