This is not my ceiling
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize