I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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