I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
