my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
