I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
