She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
