just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize