You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
