wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
