cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
