Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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