You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
