Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
