it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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