so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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