Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do herpes really smell.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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