loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
