Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
